Not Moving Forward

Well, looks like we won't be cycling with SIRM in February. We were presented with the option to take part in SIRM's 3 IVF package. It was a discounted package that included unlimited FETs. There was also a cashback option if you didn't get pregnant. Mark and I made the first payment for this package, and the following week, we were told that we didn't qualify. Apparently, because we were a 50% dq alpha match, and have previous ivf failures under our belts, we couldn't get the package.

Ok, I was pissed. The office had all of our information prior to being offered this package. They had knowledge of our past medical history. If we were never going to qualify for this special 3 ivf package, we should have NEVER been presented with the option. This was one of the reasons why we had decided to cycle at SIRM instead of Cornell or CCRM. I responded to this upsetting news by saying that fine, we won't do the cashback option, and was told that the management company couldn't alter the contract, so we were SOL. Ok, I am an attorney, and I know that if both parties agree to modify the contract, it can be done.

So, I was forced to cancel the upcoming cycle in the hopes that we could work something out with SIRM. To be honest, I'm just not sure that they will be willing to work with us. As it stands, we aren't cycling with SIRM in February, and currently have NO backup plan. 2009 has seriously been one of my worst years : (

Test Results are In...

So, we had our follow up phone appointment with Dr. Peters this afternoon. As previously posted, I had an immunological work up, and Mark had a sperm dna fragmentation test done. I'll tell you about Mark's results first. His fragmentation came back normal. Anything under 15% is normal, and Mark came in at 12%. Yay for Mark.

My results came back with some issues. It appears that I do have elevated natural killer cells. I believe that when your NKs are activated and elevated, they "attack" the embryo and therefore no pregnancy results. If anyone reading this blog has experience with this issue, let me know! I have no autoimmune issues, which was a relief. Apparently, those are harder to treat. I did test positive for anti thyroid antibodies. Again, anyone with experience with this, drop a line. The doctor added baby aspirin to my protocol as a way to treat this issue. He also doesn't think that at this point, it's necessary to do CGH genetic testing on the embryos...unless we decide we want to do it.

I was very relieved to "have a problem." I feel like maybe this was our problem all along. Regardless, we are set for the February IVF cycle. I'm hoping that within 2 ivf cycles with SIRM, I'll be pregnant.

I probably won't post again until after the New Year. Happy Holidays to everyone, and have a wonderful New Year. May we all get those bfps in 2010!!!

Going on Vacay!!

I did it…I booked a trip for Mark and I in January. Since we aren't cycling again until February, we thought it would be a good idea to take a vacation right beforehand. Mark has had a sucky few months with business, health issues, and too many failed ivfs, so this should be a way to reinvigorate him. We are heading to Jamaica the second week in January, and staying at the Gran Bahia Principe. It's an all inclusive, so we can drink, eat and play all day long. We can even have sex for fun!! Have you heard of such a thing ; - )

The only downer to this trip is that I have to wear a bathing suit. As those of you who have been keeping up with the blog, I've gained about 10 lbs since we started with treatments almost 2 years ago. I've started a work out routine again, so hopefully, I'll be able to lose a few lbs before the trip. And if not, I'll just have to drink more!!

As an update on our cycling…I have already received my February IVF calendar. The office is so amazingly organized, that I love it. We have a phone appt. with Dr. Peters next Friday to go over our test results from a couple of weeks ago. I really hope that I have an immune issue. I know it's strange to hope that I have an issue, but at least, from what I understand, these issues are treatable.

So, that's it for now. If anyone reading this has been to the Gran Bahia Principe, leave me a message.

Holding Pattern

Mark and I drove up to Bedminster today for some testing. It's going to be a pain in the butt getting up there (1 lane highways most of the trip...and lots of traffic), but you have to do what you have to do. I had an immunological panel done. Mark had some bloodwork and a dna fragmentation test done. We will get our results in about 2 weeks (another phone consultation) and figure out what to do from there.

What we did decide is that we are not ready, emotionally, to jump back into IVF in January. So, we will take about 2 months off, and look to start again in February. SIRM is probably the most expensive of all the clinics that we have been to, and we agreed that if after 3 more cycles (they have a 3 ivf package), I am not pregnant, then we are done with IVF. It's too emotionally and financially draining with no positive outcome. However, if I or Mark were ever to get jobs that had IF coverage, we would certainly reconsider. So, I guess the end of our IF treatment journey finally has an end...much like LOST finally ending (which, by the way, upsets me to no end). It makes me very sad (if it comes to that), but also gives me the closure that I need.

In the meantime, I will be enjoying a treatment free couple of months. As always, thanks to everyone for your support. I'll be needing those good vibes again come 2010.

Nil, Nada, Negative!

Well, as you can tell by the title of this entry, our 6th IVF cycle also resulted in a big fat nothing. We took this one pretty hard. A day before my beta, I was extremely dizzy and nauseous. We both took that as a huge sign that I was pregnant. I had never felt that way before in all our prior cycles. Oh well, guess I just had a funky response to my prometrium this time around.

To be truthful, it's getting harder and harder to head down this path. People keep telling me how strong I am, but I really don't feel like a strong woman right now. We will take a needed break, and hopefully, at the start of the new year, we will be ready to pursue another cycle at another clinic.

I feel like I have made some poor choices with fertility clinics, and that Mark and I need to change our "3 strikes and you're out" mentality. We really should have left both clinics after 2 cycles. I guess hindsight is 20/20.

I'm taking this week to grieve and to focus on having a nice time with my family over the holiday weekend. I'll start making phone calls next week to see what I can do to make cycling in North Jersey easier. Hopefully, SIRM is ok with my doing monitoring appointments at a local office, and hopefully, there is a local office willing to let me get monitoring done there.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks again for your words of encouragement.

10 Days Post 5 Day Transfer

And, still haven't POAS (peed on a stick) or gone in for my beta. I got really nervous last night when I started getting bad cramps after dinner. They continued until today. I feel much better right now, and really don't know if it's AF coming, the chocolate mousse I ate last night, or pregnancy symptoms.

No spotting as of yet, which is a good sign. I'm still dizzy, tired, slightly crampy, and fat ; - ). I really hope I get good news on Monday, but know that I must prepare for the bad news.

I appreciate everyone that's been cheering for Mark and I. You mean more to us than you know. Keep those good vibes coming!

Things that Make You Go, HMMM...

I had my embryo transfer on Wednesday. I'm still in shock that we were able to go to a 5 day transfer. We had Dr. Amui perform it (who was one of the 2 doctors that our RE had recommended we use for the transfer). I can't even believe how easy it was. In fact, I didn't feel a thing, and when they were all done, I couldn't believe it. I think that the key to my transfers is getting the amount of water correct. They recommend 32 ounces, but that's incredibly too much. I think I do best with about 16 ounces of water for a transfer.

Anyway, I had a good and a fair quality blastocyst transferred. And, we were even able to have one left to freeze. Amazing.

Here is what I find so interesting. The 2 blastocysts that we transferred were the 7 and 9 cell embryos from Monday. The 5 cell embryo never developed into anything, and my frozen blast from another cycle just degenerated after the thaw. Of the two 8 celled embryos that would have been transferred if we had gone with the 3 day….1 crapped out by day 5, and the other was a little slow, but that was the one that we were able to freeze on day 6. I find this amazing. Had we transferred both 8 celled embryos on day 3, one never would have made it. So, I like that we at least increased our chances that way.

And, the awesome news is that out of 5 embryos, 3 survived to blasts and they were all of fair to good quality. So, this was definitely a learning experience. I go in on Saturday for my progesterone check, and my beta will be on November 23.

IT'S ON!

Got our final call from embryology today. Things are looking good, and I'm sure that I made the right decision to push for a 5 day transfer. Out of the 5 embryos that we had dividing yesterday, one stalled at 5 cells, but the other 4 are morulas. That means that 4/5 are exactly where they should be on day 4. I'm so excited. We still have a frozen embryo, but we want them to thaw it out, and compare it to the other 4. Tomorrow morning, the embryologist will pick the best 2 out of the bunch, and if possible, freeze the rest.

So, here is what we did differently this cycle (a recap):

Endometrial biopsy to irritate the lining and make it more receptive for implantation
Intralipid infusion (also to aid in implantation)
LIT (I had it done in August, but it's good for 5 months)
5 day transfer (we have NEVER done a blast transfer in all 5 of our previous cycles)
Changing the catheter used for transfer.

I'm trying REALLY hard not to get too excited, as we have a lot of failures under our belts, but I felt like we gave it our all this time around. If it doesn't work, we need to figure out if it's an immune issue or a chromosomal issue, and then make some tough decisions.

Did I Make the Right Decision?

I got the call from embryology today. All 5 embryos are dividing. we have two 8 cell, a 9 cell, a 7 cell and a 5 cell. We also have a day 6 blast on ice. I told the embryologist that we would push it for a 5dt.

I'm extremely nervous about my decision. What if we have extremely crappy blasts, or not even blasts but morulas? ugh.

The only things making me think that this was the right decision is that this is ivf 6, we have never done a blast transfer before, and after talking to a SIRM doctor, it seems like 5day is the way to go.

I hope this was the right decision. I will hear from embryology tomorrow morning. As long as we have at least one blast to transfer on Wednesday, I'll be ok!

Fertilization Report

Got the call from Cooper this morning. Out of our 7 eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized with ICSI. This is what we expected, and I'm ok with this news.

I did talk to the embryologist about the possibility of doing a 5 day transfer. We both agreed that if, come Monday morning, our embryos are still thriving, we can push for a 5 day transfer. We also have a frozen blast from an earlier IVF cycle, so we are looking at 6 embryos right now. The truth is that we will most likely be having our transfer on Monday and not Wednesday. I'm not that upset anymore, as we will still have something to transfer.

So, send good embryo growing vibes my way. Who knows, maybe we can get to a 5 day transfer.

Will Things Ever Look Up?

I went into egg retrieval expecting at least 10 eggs. When I met with the doctor, pre-ER, she even said that we would probably get 12 eggs. Imagine my extreme disappointment when I was back in recovery and was told that they got 7 eggs. Not only that, but apparently 3 of my other follicles had already released eggs before I went to retrieval. Don't ask me what happened to the other 5 follicles that I had that weren't mentioned.

I know that it only takes one, but here is why I'm so upset. One of the things that were desperate to try this cycle was a 5dt. Our RE doesn't usually do them, but he said that we should try for it this time around. Embroyology won't do it unless you have at least 8 embryos. We have one blast on ice...the only way we could go to a 5dt is if all 7 eggs retrieved were mature and fertilized. That's VERY unlikely.

I'm trying to stay positive, but this cycle just seems to be going downhill fast : (

I'm getting my fertilization report tomorrow, but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

Triggering Tonight, Egg Retrieval on Friday

Well, I am triggering for IVF #6 tonight. I didn't think I'd be excited at all this cycle, but things seem to be going well. My ride was very bumpy in the beginning. I had a lead follicle and I was afraid that I would get canceled or told to trigger with HCG early. Well, today is stim day 9, and I have 15 measurable follicles, with my E2 level at 2750. I haven't had this good of a cycle since my second cycle at South Jersey (which was in the Summer of 2008).

If we can get double digit eggs at the retrieval, I will be ecstatic. Of course, that's just one part of the puzzle. We are hoping to get to a 5 day transfer. And if not, then we have a whole host of things that they will be doing for a 3dt.

I told myself that I wouldn't be optimistic with this cycle, and just focus on moving to a different doctor, but with my cycle improving the way it did, I can't help but be a little hopeful.

Wish me luck….who knows, maybe it will be lucky number 6.

Fertility Friday Wasn't Fun : (

I went in today for my cd 5 b/w and u/s (after stimming for 3 days). Well, first the phlebotomist couldn't get a vein on my first arm...after pricking and prodding with her needle, so she needed to get my other arm. So, I left that appointment with two holes : (

Next bummer was at my ultrasound. The good news is that I have about 12 follicles. The bad news is that 8 of them are under 10mm, and 4 of them range from 16mm-12mm. The bad news with this is that I'm guessing we will only get 4 eggs at retrieval. I know it's still early, but this has been my experience with cycling at Cooper.

Third and most painful of my morning activities was my endometrial biopsy. They were doing this biopsy for the sole purpose of irritating my endometrium, hoping to aid in implantation. If you've read my blog, you know that they have a hard time getting through my cervix. Well, this morning's procedure was no different. A procedure that normally takes 1-2 minutes took 10. Doesn't sound like a lot, but when you are cramping and in pain, 10 minutes is a long time. The doctor had to dilate my cervix, and every time she did that, it hurt. And, in the time it took to dilate and grab the catheter, my cervix would close again. She had to dilate me at least 3 times. And, couldn't even use the usual tool to get into my uterus. She had to use a scary looking metal thing with "teeth" at the end of it. I cramped so bad, and was told that they would give me motrin. I'm home now, and I still haven't gotten my motrin. I wound up crying on the table. Not so much because of the pain, but just at my utter frustration with everything I had to do today. I'm still in a crappy mood.

The only procedure that seemed to go without a hitch today was intralipid infusion. It took an hour, and I was able to watch my portable dvd player.

The thing that is most upsetting to me is that I put my body through such hell today, and I don't think we will get enough eggs to even consider doing a 5 dt. I feel like it's all for nothing. Mark is even talking about just canceling the cycle outright...however, I didn't get my insides scraped out for fun.

Please send decent follicle number waves my way. I'd be thrilled if we could get more than last time, which was 7. However, I'm not feeling confident at all : (

Official Start of Ivf #6.

I went in for blood work and an ultrasound today to see if my body was ready to start another ivf cycle. Apparently, it is, but my mind is not! I still seem to have the high estradiol levels to start (81) but my FSH is now back down to 5. I really don't know what to make of that. I have no idea what my antral follicle count is though, as the ultrasound tech simply wrote that I had multiple follicles on both the right and left ovaries that were under the size of 10mm.

So, here is my ivf protocol and schedule at least until the end of the week.

Starting tonight and every night until Friday….75 of menopur.
Starting tomorrow morning and every morning up to and including Friday morning…225 follistim.

Friday: go in for blood work and an ultrasound; have endometrial biopsy; and have intralipid infusion. I will be spending the good part of Friday sitting in one various room or another at my RE's office. I really wish I could fast forward past Friday. I’m not looking forward to any of it!

Did I mention that the fact that I'm even starting my 6th ivf cycle makes me sick to my stomach? Yup, been having stomach issues all day. This is going to a fun ride. : (

Here We Go...AGAIN!

Ok, today is cycle day 1. I really wasn't expecting this to happen today. I wanted another day or two where I didn't have to think about our upcoming ivf cycle. Oh well. I'm nervous, but also a little numb about this cycle. I'll go in for my CD2 blood work an ultrasound tomorrow. It will be interesting to see what my FSH, E2 and antral follicle count are. My doctors still aren't sure if I am really DOR based on my high E2, as my fsh and AFC are all in the normal range. Yup, something else to obsess and stress over. I really feel ill.

To be continued….tomorrow.

No Miracle BFP Here

Well, I POAS this morning, and it was absolutely no surprise to see a stark white test staring back at me. I knew going into my first IUI that the odds were basically nill, but what can you do.

So, it looks like I should get AF at some point next week and then we will start up with IVF #6 with Cooper. Here are all the magic moves that we will be attempting with our last Cooper try:

*Have CA-125 blood work done to see if I have mild endometriosis (and if I do, maybe schedule a laporoscopy)

*Doing Full Stim IVF with Follistim instead of Bravelle

*No Assisted Hatching on the embryos and may need a hard catheter to perform the ET

*Do Mock Transfer with very experienced Dr. Choe, and ask her to use the same catheter she would use for real transfer

*Have the most experienced doctor in the practice do my transfer

*Doing Intralipids (within first 7 days of cycle)

*Shooting for a 5 day transfer…and if we have blasts, also including the totsicle from the other clinic

*Endometrial biopsy…irritating endometrium with connexin protein 43.

So, with all these new things to try out, if we still can't get pregnant, we are leaving Cooper and moving to SIRM NJ with Dr. Peters. We had our consultation with Dr. Peters yesterday afternoon. The first thing he wants us to do is a full immunological workup. We are all hoping that something will turn up there, as he mentioned 2 treatments he could use. One being intralipids, and the other being a mix of heparin and aspirin. If I don't have any immune issues, then we will do genetic testing on our embryos. If none of them come back normal, we will have to consider donor egg or donor sperm. So, at least Dr. Peters has a plan for us, and he was extremely straightforward. As much as I liked the guy, I still hope that we don't need to use him.

Anyway, that's where I am right now...and since I'm not pregnant, I will be partaking in some fun fall beers this evening!

I Need an IF Vacation!

I find this whole process to be extremely frustrating. As I previously stated, Mark and I are giving Cooper one last shot before we move onto a different clinic. So, in the meantime, I've been researching other clinics and setting up consultations. We had our CCRM consultation, and I'm waiting for our SIRM consultation on Friday. In addition, I'm in the process of setting up a consultation with Dr. Spandorfer over at Cornell. The frustrating thing is what one doctor recommends, the other does not, and recommends something that the third doctor doesn't recommend. So, then I feel like all the weight is on me. If I choose the wrong clinic, we will have more failures. Why the F can't I find one clinic that believes in everything. I’m really stressing over this decision. It's not an easy one either, as I would be distance cycling with all 3. As if being infertile isn't stressful enough!!

Phone Consultation with CCRM...ALL the Details!

Mark and I had our phone consultation with CCRM on Monday, October 12. We spoke with Dr. Minjarez about our case. The conversation was about 1 hour long, and although we didn't get an idea for what other protocols we should be trying, we at least got some good tips.

Dr. Minjarez recommended that I get tested for karyotyping (chromosomal analysis), and that I undergo an integrin biopsy. The integrin biopsy will look to see if you are missing the beta protein that's necessary for an embryo to implant in the uterus. We will be doing a regular endometrial biopsy during my last ivf cycle with Dr. Check. However, you cannot do the integrin biopsy during an ivf cycle. So, it looks like I will be very lucky and get to undergo the procedure twice. Did I mention that it's painful?? She also suggested that I do the clomid challenge test, which apparently would give her a clue as to how I would respond with stims, or if I would even respond. If we don't go with CCRM, I doubt that I would do the clomid challenge, considering I've been doing ivf and they are always able to get at least 6 eggs on a full stim protocol.

Dr. M. recommended that Mark also have karotyping done and a sperm chromatin test. The sperm chromatin test measures the level of dna fragmentation in the sperm, to enhance the diagnosis of and treatment of male infertility.

Based on these recommendations, it's clear that as of right now, we haven't done enough testing to determine if this is female factor or male factor infertility. So, we are still in the category of basically "unexplained."

She also recommended that Mark and I both start on supplements. They take 3 months before you actually see any results, but we will start taking them now, and still do ivf in about 1 month. Here is what she suggested for me:

DHEA: this is supposed to help with stimulation
L-argenine: this is supposed to help improve egg quality.
For Mark:
Vitamins E and C
Co Enzyme Q
L-carnatine.

I would assume that the above are to help improve sperm count and quality.
Dr. M. did discuss hypotheticals for doing an ivf cycle with her office. When she looked over my past protocols, she seemed to think that going with a gonatropid stimulation (which I have done for all 5) was a potential problem. However, she didn't tell me what protocols she would recommend if we cycled with CCRM. She also told us that we should try our hardest to push for a 5dt as she has seen a 50-60% chance of implantation. This was news to Mark and I. All our other Drs had said that there is no difference between a 3dt and a 5dt. Also, if we are lucky enough to get enough embryos to a 5dt, she would recommend doing CGH (full genetic testing of the blastocysts). If we are able to transfer any blasts that appear normal through CGH, there is a 70-80% success rate.

So, here's what scares me…my fsh level was 3-4 when we first started all this…with normal E2 levels on cycle day 3. Now, my fsh level is around 8 and my E2 levels are over 70. We were able to get 18 eggs with our second ivf cycle, and we took the advice of our then RE and only icsi'd half. None of the conventionally fertilized eggs, fertilized. We have one frozen blast from that cycle. I WILL ALWAYS WONDER…if we did icsi on all of them, if we would have been able to do a 5dt and if I would have a child at this point. It makes me sad thinking about it. After that great egg cycle, we got 8 eggs, 3 eggs (minimal stim), and 7 eggs with our subsequent ivfs. I'm just nervous that I missed my window, and that I will never make more than 7 eggs. Hindsight is 20/20, and although it's out of my control now, I can't help but get upset about what we did or didn't do in the past : (

So, looking forward, if we were to cycle with CCRM (and that's a big IF), we probably wouldn’t start until February, meaning we wouldn't do an IVF cycle until about April. Plus, it's about $20K and Mark and I are completely out of pocket. Again, I get sick just thinking about all of this.

New Development:

Ok, I went in today for my post coital test and an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that I have a follicle that is 19.3mm (meaning that I'm getting very close to ovulating). My post coital results were AWFUL. I have very little cervical mucus, and they were only able to see ONE sperm swimming around in there. This means that Mark's sperm would have a very difficult time making it up to where they need to be in order to fertilize an egg (in a natural cycle).

The nurse gave us the option of doing an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) this cycle. Normally, I would just say F it, we would try naturally and wait until the next month and do another IVF cycle. However, based on my abominable post coital results and the fact that my body is still HOT from the LIT, I decided to go for it. It's only $300 and you just never know.

So, tonight at 6ish, I will be triggering for my Saturday morning IUI. The funny thing is that with all my IF experience, I know very little about IUIs. Regardless, I'm still looking at doing an ivf cycle next month, and if that doesn't work, moving onto IVF at either SIRM or Cornell.

WTF at my WTF!!

Ok, first things first, a WTF appointment is a what the F appointment with your doctor after a failed cycle. We had ours with Dr. Check last night. Oh, and before I get into it, I have to let you know that our appointment was at 3pm and I didn’t leave the office until after 7.

At the start of our appointment, we discussed the fact that no one really knows what to do with us. I find that ultimately frustrating. We discussed the enigma that is my ovarian reserve. My fsh level hovers around 7 now, which from what I understand, is still normal. My antral follicle count is usually around 12-16, which again, is normal. However, my day 2 estradiol levels have been around 70 the last few months. So, the doctor really isn’t sure if I have diminished ovarian reserve (DOR), as my antral follicle count should be lower if that was the case. So, first UNKNOWN. Because I’ve done a low dose stim cycle, and a frozen cycle, he’s not sure that the high meds in my system were a cause of not getting pregnant with the first 3 IVFs (which were with a different RE). So, where do we go from here?

I requested some additional testing. I suggested doing a sonohysterogram (where they infuse your uterus with saline solution, and take 3d pictures), karotyping, and having an immunological workup. Dr. Check said that he didn’t think I needed a SHG, but that they could do it that night. I had it done, and of course, my uterus looks fine. Should be good news, but it left me frustrated. As for karotyping, he didn’t think I was a candidate for that. He said that karotyping is usually done when you have repeated miscarriages. Since I haven’t even been pregnant, he didn’t think I should do the test. He said that if I really wanted to, he would do it, but felt it was a waste of money. He also doesn’t put too much stock into the NKa (natural killer cell) issue, so didn’t think I needed an immunological workup. He did say that with the LIT I underwent in August, it would “solve” any issue I had with NKa anyway. He did suggest that maybe I had mild endometriosis (although, he really doesn’t think I have that). He recommended that I get a CA 125 blood work up, and if my levels are positive, then I could consider doing a laparoscopy. So, I had mid cycle blood work and did a CA 125 work up. I’ll have to have the CA 125 bloods done again at the start of AF next cycle, and they will compare the 2 numbers. If I’m positive, I would schedule a laparoscopy. As I said before, we don’t expect the number to reflect endometriosis.

Along the lines of immunotherapy and LIT, Dr. Check mentioned a study that he did using intralipids. Intralipid is basically an iv that is given to me around 7-14 days before my ET and if I get a positive pregnancy test, I do another infusion. It’s supposed to help the embryo bind to the uterine lining, enabling it to implant. It’s cheap, and doesn’t do any harm. Anyway, in his study, he found that women 35 and under had higher pregnancy rates after receiving intralipids. However, for women over 40, it did NOTHING for them. So, since intralipids are relatively inexpensive, and I am still 35, we will be doing that with our next ivf cycle. In addition to the lack of implantation, Dr. Check also recommended some kind of endometrial irritation. Basically, they go in and remove some tissue from my uterine lining. This will cause the lining to become irritated, and apparently, that could also aid in implantation, so we will try that one too. It does kind of seem like this is another “throw everything at the wall, and see what sticks” kind of cycle, but I guess since we are a special case, no one really knows what to do or where to go from here.

Dr. Check also mentioned the idea of using donor eggs, or donor sperm or donor embryos or a surrogate. His thought process was that if we just want a baby in our arms already, we can use one of the above and then worry about having our “own” child after we already have one under our belt. I thought that was just ridiculous. I want a baby more than anything, but until someone tells me “you WILL NOT get pregnant with your own eggs and Mark’s sperm,” I’m going to keep going using our own stuff! One interesting aspect was that when the doctor suggested using Mark’s brother’s sperm for ivf…using Mark’s sperm and his brother’s sperm…and not knowing who’s sperm fertilized the egg, Mark seemed Ok with that idea. I told him that I’m just not there yet, but if we ever did decide to use donor sperm, I think his brother would be our BEST option, as we still get his family’s genetics. If Mark’s brother is reading this, we have some fun things to ask you and discuss over Thanksgiving ; - )

Ok, so getting back to doing another ivf cycle with Cooper…one extremely frustrating aspect of our WTF was when we mentioned that EVERY doctor has had trouble doing my egg transfer. Apparently, my cervix is anterior, or something like that, and it’s hard to get to with the usual flexible catheter. Well, this was all news to Dr. Check. Um, don’t the doctors in the practice talk to one another?? That really pissed Mark and I off and that is when we decided that this is our last IVF cycle with Cooper. If I don’t get pregnant, we are moving on. At our last transfer, the dr. said that we should use a rigid catheter for our next transfer. Dr. Check told us that when you use a rigid catheter, your pregnancy rates can be lower. Ok, why the F didn’t someone realize that after our first Cooper transfer. He said that when you do assisted hatching of the embryo, coupled with a rigid catheter, you are just asking for a negative pg test. So, with the next cycle, we won’t do assisted hatching, and we will have one of the more experienced doctors do my transfer. We also discussed the option of doing a 5 day transfer instead of a 3 day transfer. I have never done a 5 day transfer, and therefore, have never transferred blastocysts…we have only ever transferred 8 cell embryos. Of course, doing a 5 day transfer is kind of dependent on how many eggs we are able to get at retrieval.

I also insisted that in addition to all the above mentioned tweaks to our cycle, that I definitely wanted to use a different protocol. We didn’t want to do the long lupron protocol (which is what we used for our first 3 failed ivf cycles). So, basically, Dr. Check said that my last cycle I used too much LH (Menopur), and that could result in poor eggs. Another case of the nurse telling me something that wasn’t accurate (she said that it didn’t matter if I took more Menopur than Bravelle, as that’s what I already had on hand). So, that being said, we agreed to do a protocol of using 225 units of Follistim, and 75 units of Menopur…and then adding cetrotide in around the 4-6 day of stimming. The truth is that this isn’t that much different than my last cycle with Cooper, but I did respond well using Follistim for ivf 1-3. If this is confusing for you, imagine how I feel!!!

So, what does that mean for right now? Well, as of yesterday, I was on CD 13 and I had a 15.3mm follicle. That means, that I haven’t ovulated yet. So, Dr. Check wants me to do another monitored “natural” cycle this month, with progesterone support after ovulation. He also wants me to do another post coital exam. So basically, first thing tomorrow morning, Mark and I need to have sex. Then, I get to run to the doctor’s office where they will first do an ultrasound (checking to see the size of my follicle). After the u/s, a nurse will take a syringe and pull out some liquid from my cervix, and look at it under a microscope. She will be looking for 2 things…how much cervical mucus I have, and if Mark’s sperm can move through it. If my post coital results are good, then Mark and I just need to have timed intercourse and hope that I get pregnant naturally (as if!!). If the PC looks bad, then we can consider doing an IUI this cycle. However, I doubt that Mark and I will do an IUI as that’s just throwing $1k down the toilet. Dr. Check wants to do whatever we can while the LIT is still hot, so that gives me another 2-3 months.

If you have read this far, good for you!! You are a better person than I am.

So, if I don’t get pregnant with either our natural cycle, or with ivf #6, we are moving on. I have a consultation with CCRM on Monday, October 12. I think that Mark and I will likely pursue IVF with either SIRM (in Bedminster, NJ) or Cornell in NY. That will make monitoring appointments very stressful, as my commute for a 5 minute appointment will be somewhere between 3-4 hours! UGH!

Stay tuned…

Tomorrow is the Big Day...Yikes!!

I thought October 6 would never get here. It's my WTF with Dr. Check. I can't even believe it, but I'm starting to get a little excited again. The truth is that I wish I wasn't…because that means that I'm getting hopeful again. Oh well, I guess a little hope is a good thing.

I imagine the appointment to be about 1.5 hours, and I'm very curious as to what the doctor will recommend this time. Should I tell him about my consultation with CCRM next week? Not sure.

I'll update my blog tomorrow night with Dr. Check's suggestions.

3 Days and Counting...

Until we meet with Dr. Check for our WTF appointment. When I first found out that ivf #5 didn't work, I wished that we could meet with the doctor right away. Well, I went to the office yesterday to pick up my copy of my medical records, and started feeling anxious and kind of sick. I went home and looked over my file. I wound up with a headache and an impending sense of doom.

I was getting used to not thinking about cycling, or failure…just living my life, and bam…it's all coming back to me…all my fears and insecurities…and what ifs. What if he recommends donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy? In addition, since we me with him the first time last winter (when my fsh level was 4 or 5), my fsh has shot up to 7 or 8…not to mention that my estradiol levels at the start of each cycle hover around 70-80. that seems kind of high. See, I'm getting nervous that I'm going to be told that my eggs are old and crappy, and that I'll be lucky to get 2 eggs at my next retrieval. I'm also a little freaked out about my CCRM appointment in 9 days. I really hate IF. I'll keep going until someone tells me to stop, but the truth is that it's getting so hard to get into cycling with a positive attitude.

The Weighting Game

This is what I always refer to my break cycles as. Let's face it, I always gain some kind of weight while I'm cycling. Or, if I'm losing weight while cycling, I gain it all back the first few days after a negative. I'm still trying to get completely out of my funk. I have good days and bad days. Today happens to be a good day, but that's because I have fun things planned for the entire weekend. On my bad days, when I'm reminded that I'm still not pregnant, I'm also reminded of the fact that I have gained 10lbs since I got married. Now, on some people, 10 lbs is not a big deal. However, I am about 5'1-5'2…so 10 lbs means that none of my clothes even fit anymore. It's depressing, and add that to the fact that I'm dealing with IF failure, and it's hard to feel good about myself.

So, (and this time I mean it), I will lose at least 5lbs before I start cycling again. Once I get back from my fun filled weekend, I will be working out at least 3xs a week. That means either getting my butt to the gym or running at least 2 miles on the treadmill at home. I can't be on a downward spiral with my weight and my IF…it would just be too hard to pull myself out of that.

If anyone wants to be my workout buddy, leave a comment. I could use the support. I also made an appointment with a trainer at my gym (mainly to just have someone tell me what weight machines I should be using and how to use them). That appointment is on October 10, so I'll be on my own until then.

Good luck to everyone reading this that is trying to lose weight while going through IF. It's a bitch!

What a Difference a Few Days Make!

Well, we got official notice on Saturday that our ivf cycle didn't work. I grieved pretty much the entire weekend, and was a little depressed yesterday (Monday). And, as I expected, I'm starting to feel better now.

Yes, being proactive is truly the only way I can survive in the world of infertility. Since my negative beta, I have already requested copies of my medical records. I have made a phone consultation with CCRM for October 12; requested ivf cycle information from Cornell; posted several questions on SIRM's website, and started doing some research on possible tests to run, protocols to try, etc. And, I feel 100% better. I have a game plan. I have a list of possibilities. And with those possibilities, come renewed hope. Yes, I found my optimism again. Now, I'm still jaded, but I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. That's all I needed...just a little bit of hope.

After doing my research (mostly through SIRM's website), I have realized the Mark and I have barely scratched the surface with ivf possibilities. Very comforting. As long as we still have $$, and Mark assures me that we still have enough for another 5 cycles, then I will move forward.

Big Fat Failure!

Well, it's official, IVF #5 ended negatively. I had a little bit of spotting on Friday morning, and I tested on a hpt Friday night. The test was stark white. Mark and I decided that I would just go in for my beta test on Saturday morning. It was no surprise when the nurse called and said "I'm sorry."

Yesterday was hard. We had our families over for Rosh Hashannah dinner. I guess in some ways, being so focused on getting everything ready helped to not break down. My nieces and nephew were over last night and it just reminded me of how badly I too want a family.

I think this failure hit Mark harder than the others. This was the one that was supposed to work. We traveled to Mexico for LIT, I was drug free for the transfer, I did acupuncture, and yet, it still didn't work. We definitely need some answers.

I have to wait until October 8, to meet with our RE again. At this point, I have to insist on some additional testing. I mean, there is a definite problem here. We can't just be that unlucky 5 times. I'm also a bit disappointed with my last half fresh cycle. I only stimmed for 7 days, which might have contributed to the issue.

Regardless, this is going to be a very hard week for me. I seem to be fine by night time, but every morning that I get up, I'm reminded that I'm still not pregnant, and I can barely get out of bed. I guess the key is to just keep very busy. I can start exercising again, and we are hanging out with good friends next weekend. I'm also giving up acupuncture, as it clearly is not the answer for me.

If anyone reading this has dealt with IVF failures, please post on ways that you are coping. I'm always up for suggestions.

This 2 Week Wait Sucks!!!

I'm having a rough week, and it's only Monday. I have no symptoms other than the likely side effects from the drugs that I'm on. I've convinced myself that this 5th ivf cycle, where we tried so many new things, just didn't work. Where do we go from here? Should we seriously consider adoption at this point? The thought of giving up though, makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of getting another negative beta result is making me sick to my stomach.

I'm losing weight. Normally, that's a good thing. However, I lost a couple of pounds during the 2ww of my last ivf cycle, and that turned out to be a big failure. I really don't know how much more of this my sanity can take. Seriously. Any words of advice or encouragement are greatly appreciated.

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise ; - )

I had my FET on Tuesday morning. I woke up and Mark and I had "relations" per the doctor's orders. Nothing like sex on demand. Hee hee. I showered, and then started to drink my water. They recommend that you drink 32 ounces of water before your transfer. The rationale being that since it's an abdominal u/s, they get a better shot of your uterus. Well, since I think my bladder is the size of a pea, I drank about 8 ounces before acupuncture.

After that, we were off to my acupuncture appointment. There have been studies suggesting that acupuncture pre and post transfer will result in higher pregnancy rates. Well, we left the house in plenty of time, and we encountered way too many construction detours. We wound up driving around in a big circle just to get to the office. I got there about 20 minutes late. So, I had a very quick treatment.

From there, we drove literally around the corner to get to the dr's office by 10am for my 10:30 transfer. After sitting in the waiting area for 15 minutes (and having drank maybe another 8 ounces of water), I was dying. I went to the bathroom. About 20 minutes later, they took us back to the "closet" to change our clothes and get ready for the transfer. I drank probably another 4 ounces of water. So figure, I had a total of 20 ounces. Mark put on his yellow gown, shower cap, and booties. I had a way too big blue gown, shower cap, and booties. We both looked like we could work in a high school cafeteria. I also got my valium. I had one for last transfer, and I didn't notice any difference.

We were then taken back to the transfer room and told that the dr. would be there shortly, she was just finishing up with a retrieval. The nurse came in and asked if I had to go the bathroom. I said yes. Ok, that's 2 times already. Then, the nurse left and we were just sitting there in the transfer room. The embryologist came in to tell us that we would be transferring 3 embryos that morning, and gave us a picture. We had a 6, 7, and 8 celled embryo. Mark nicknamed them, you guessed it, 6, 7, and 8. Then the embryologist left. I had to go to the bathroom again. Afraid that the nurse would tell me I couldn't, I snuck out to use the bathroom for the 3rd time. Ten minutes later the nurse came in to say that the dr. would be in shortly (and this time she said she meant it) and asked if I needed to go again. So yes, I went for the 4th time. Finally, the ultrasound tech came in to make sure I had a full bladder for the transfer. I thought she would tell me that I had to drink more water. NOPE, I still had a full bladder. So, you guessed it, back to the bathroom for the 5th time!!!

The transfer itself went well. The valium had kicked in, and once it was determined that due to my tricky cervix, a rigid catheter needed to be used, we transferred 6,7,8.

After the transfer, I used the bedpan…so I guess that's a total of 6 times by now. Hee hee. I had to lay on the table for an additional 30 minutes. Mark then dropped me off at acupuncture again. I had a longer session this time, and even passed out on the table. Then, we proceeded home where I was couch bound for 2 whole days.

I go in for my beta pregnancy test on September 21, but I will be testing at home on the 20th. Please cross everything that the 5th shot is the lucky one!!

FET is On.

Got the call from the embryologist this morning. Out of the 5 embies that were thawed, 4 survived. And, out of those 4, 3 look really good. We told the embryologist that if tomorrow morning, we still only have 3 good ones, we would go ahead and transfer all 3. I'm nervous, but very excited. I hope that the cocktail that we introduced this cycle of no meds, LIT and acupuncture do the trick.

I'm going to acupuncture at 9:20 and then straight to Cooper for a 10:30 am transfer, then it's back to acupuncture. After that, I'm camping out on the couch for the next 48 hours.

Too Many Drugs!!

Got the call on Friday that I am definitely a go for my Tuesday transfer. My lining was at a whopping 10mm. Woo hoo! I got the call to start a million drugs on saturday morning. I'm taking my estrace 3xs a day, progesterone suppositories 2xs a day, antibiotics 2xs a day, medrol daily, and a nice big 2cc intramuscular shot in my ass every night. Woo hoo!

We find out on Monday how the embies are doing, and what time our Tuesday transfer is.

So, to be continued....

UGH!!!!

Ugh. That's the theme of my infertility journal. I swear, nothing goes smoothly. We have hit a speed bump with every single cycle we have done. I'm getting very frustrated.

The latest speed bump: I went in for my cd16 blood work and ultrasound appointment. The key for this is to check your lining to see if it's ready for the transfer. Well, my lining pattern was IE, which according to the tech was fine. My lining was 8mm. The nurse called to tell me my test results from the morning…and my estrogen was over 2000. The doctor wants to see my lining thicken up…but, since my estrogen is so high, they can't up my estrace dosage. Great! So, I go back on Friday in the hopes that my lining thickens.

Here is what totally frustrates me. I know people who have had successful transfers with a lining of 8mm, and their doctors didn't think anything of it. And, I'm doing acupuncture, which is supposed to help with this stuff. I've had my moments of doubt with my current acupuncturist (as he hasn't done half of what my old acupuncturist did), and now I'm starting to think the whole acupuncture experience has been a complete waste of time and $$.

Who did I piss off in a past life…seriously?

Nervous Nelly

Ok, the nerves are really starting to creep in. I go in tomorrow morning for my blood work and ultrasound appointment. If my estradiol levels and lining look good, the embryologist will begin the thaw. We currently have 5 embies on ice. I'm really hoping that we have enough to do 2 FETs (if necessary). I'm just really nervous that either all/most of the embies will arrest before the transfer, or that something will be wrong with my results from tomorrow.

I always get very very nervous before an egg retrieval and an egg transfer. We are hoping that this is the lucky cycle. I'm med free, doing acupuncture, and had our lymphocyte immunotherapy treatment a couple of weeks ago. So, on it's face, this should be the lucky cycle. Still, I'm extremely nervous that something will go wrong : (

LIT in Mexico...um, That was Fun?

Ok, here is the update to my adventure in Nogales, AZ. Mark and I stayed in Tucson the night before...since the drive the next morning would only be 1.5 hours as opposed to 3.5. It was also going to be my only day to sit out at the pool and get a little sun. Wouldn't you know it that about 20 minutes after I got situated at the pool, it started to pour. It didn't stop until dinner time. : (

Woke up at 5:30 on Saturday morning to shower, and check out of the hotel. We arrived in Nogales, AZ a little before 8. We were to meet our "ride" at the McDonald's who would then drive us across the border to the doctor's office. We walked in, and everyone was Mexican except for one other couple. So, no brainer there, we weren't the only couple heading to MX that morning.

Anyway, the driver met us and 2 other couples and drove us over the border. Nogales is pretty gross. There is nothing there but junky souvenir shops, and lots of dentist offices. The doctor's office was very clean, but very very small. I think there was a mini lobby with reception, a tiny bathroom that didn't work that well, the doctor's little office, and a room with an ultrasound.

We were the fourth couple to get called into the doctor's office. He didn't speak English as well as I had hoped, so that was a little disconcerting. He asked a variety of questions...some we could answer and some we couldn't. After that, Mark and I went into the back room where a nurse took 10 vials of Mark's blood. The nurse told us to come back in 2 hours. Nogales is not a town that you really want to walk around for that long, so we hung around the office. We met another couple who was there for their 4th LIT procedure. They had been here 4 years before and wound up with a son, so it was great to hear their success story. We ate breakfast with them at a decent place up the street.

Two hours later, we were all back at the doctor's office awaiting our injections. The people who had done this before were all telling me about their physical reactions to the procedure. Some suffered from mild "welts" and some itching, and some had more severe reactions. I was nervous. Three couples went in before us, and then finally it was our turn. I saw 2 big needles there on the table, and it hadn't occurred to me to be nervous about the injections. I was just nervous about the reaction I would have POST injection. Anyway, the nurse injected the serum (which was a mixture of Mark's white blood cells, and some other stuff) in 4 different places on my forearm. The needle pinched going in all 4 times,and then the serum burned as it was injected into me. My eyes definitely watered. The hard part was knowing that after she finished my first arm, I still had another 4 injections left in my other arm.

After she finished, the injection sites still burned and were a little red, but my reaction wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. About 30 minutes later, the doctor drove us back to the border. We waited in line for about an hour and then went through the border. We got stopped though for inspection. I guess it looked suspicious to have 3 unrelated American couples being driven over the border by a Mexican physician. So, they inspected our passports, asked us all a few questions, and then 20 minutes later, we were on our way back to Scottsdale.

It is now Monday, 2 days after my LIT treatment. I have 4 big welts on each arm, and they are starting to itch a little bit. I can't wash my arms, put lotion on them, have them exposed to the sun, take antihistamines to stop the itching, or exercise. The good news is that I can sit in the pool, drink alcohol, and pretty much do whatever else I want to.

If this works, and I get pregnant, I probably don't have to go back for another treatment. If I don't get pregnant, Mark and I have to decide if we want to make the trip back to Nogales.

Feel free to leave me any comments if you have any questions about my LIT treatment.

I'll blog again when I get back to New Jersey!

First Ever FET is on it's Way

Today was cycle day 2, and I went in for b/w and my u/s. Everything looked good, and I start my estrace tonight. The oral estrace I can deal with, but what's this with inserting the teeny tiny pill vaginally??!!??? Are they friggin' nuts? Should be interesting.

Mark and I leave for Arizona tomorrow, and our LIT is on Saturday. That should be an adventure. I'll definitely blog about that.

FET will likely be on September 6. Seems so soon, and I'm still scared!

Wish me luck!

AF is MIA

Wow, I should be starting my first ever frozen embryo transfer (FET) sometime this week! I've been crampy since Tuesday, so I know that AF is on her way. I'm excited, but also extremely petrified. I have put so much faith into this procedure, that if it doesn't work, I really don't know what I'm going to do.

Here is what our doctor thinks our problem is….my body becomes a hostile environment for an embryo that is transferred while I still have the stimulation medication in my system. Ok, I can buy that. It would explain why every single IVF cycle failed. Now, the confusing part for me is, what does that have to do with us not being able to get pregnant on our own? Obviously, I'm not on any medication during my natural cycles. So, perhaps we also have an issue where Mark's sperm don't recognize my eggs…why my eggs don't like Mark's sperm is beyond me…but that's what we have right now.

As a matter of course, my doctor recommends getting lymphocyte immunotherapy for those couples with repeated ivf failures. I guess not knowing exactly what our issue is, what could it hurt, yes?

Mark and I had to get immunological testing done for our upcoming LIT procedure. One of the things they test for is DQ Alpha. The Dq alpha test gives you back 2 numbers each. In a normal pregnancy, the father's DNA in the embryo tells the mother's body to set up a protective reaction around the developing embryo. If the father's dna is too closely matched to the mother's, there is a good chance that the embryo created by them is unable to differentiate itself from the mother's body. The mother's body then rejects the embryo because it cannot identify the embryo as a baby. Mark Dq alpha revealed 0102, and 0103. My Dq alpha revealed 0103 and 0201. So, according to the above description, we have a match…and perhaps this has been our issue all along. I do believe that LIT will take care of that for us.

So, it would seem like after we do LIT, and then come back to U.S. to do our FET, I should get pregnant. That's what I've been thinking too. However, things don't always work out the way you want, hope, or expect them to. There is also the variable of how many embryos will actually make it through the thaw, and if they will continue to divide. We currently have 5 on ice. I think that Mark and I would like to transfer 3. Ideally, all 3 survive the thaw, and 2 stick, and we have twins…and then in 1 or 2 years, we transfer the remaining 2 frozen embies and have another baby.

All in all, I'm so excited to get the ball rolling on a new protocol, and I'm trying not to dwell on the what ifs. Wish me luck. I'll probably post again after I go in for my cycle day 2 blood work and ultrasound.

Still Killing Time

Wow, I feel bad…it’s been a long time since I have posted on my blog. I guess that’s because we are on a break cycle, so I don’t have a lot to say. Since last time, Mark and I went to Mystic, CT for a long weekend getaway. He had been very stressed at work, so I thought it would do him some good.

We originally had booked a bed and breakfast, but upon arriving, we decided that it wasn’t for us. Thankfully, the owners weren’t there, so we didn’t have to explain why we want to leave…it was like staying at your grandmother’s house…where she hadn’t dusted or updated the place since she first got married! Anyway, we wound up staying at the Hyatt in Mystic for the whole weekend. We had a lot of fun; ate at Mystic Pizza; visited some vineyards; ate lobster; relaxed.

I guess there have been a few developments in the IVF journey…but nothing major. I ordered my progesterone in ethyl oleate. Most people do the progesterone in oil, but my Dr. called in the script for PEO. When I asked about it, I was told that the shots are far less painful with the PEO. I guess time will tell. I will admit though, I’m terrified of these shots. I’ve been lucky that we have been doing IF treatments for over a year now, and I haven’t had to do one of those shots. Then again, I’m still not pregnant, so maybe the PEO are the lucky twist.

We are doing a few new things to shake things up…acupuncture, lymphocyte immunotherapy (LIT) and doing a frozen embryo transfer. I’m really hoping that all these things together will give us what we want so badly. It’s pretty crazy to think that our is really only a few weeks away. Our LIT therapy is in 18 days. Nuts!!

Going to Mystic!

I have always wanted to visit Mystic, CT...since I saw the movie. So, I'm taking Mark there next weekend. Some time away from work and stress, while enjoying each other's company, fun activities, good food (Mystic Pizza here I come), and good drink, is just what the doctor ordered.

I just booked a room at a cute bed and breakfast (The Mermaid Inn) and we ship out on Friday.

And, good news for the puppy, we don't have to board him...either my MIL or my SIL will be able to watch him. This way, he will have a great time, and I won't feel guilty about leaving him in a kennel.

If anyone reading this blog has ever been to Mystic, CT, I could use some recommendations (food, activities, vineyards, etc.).

I'll definitely post a trip report when we come back.

Yup, I'm going to Mexico!

Ok, I started getting all of my lymphocyte immunotherapy information today, and it's completely overwhelming. I'm not sure if I need to get all the testing done, or if it's just Mark. Also, we seem to be having scheduling issues, which totally stresses me out. Initially, Dr. Check told us we should go out the last weekend of August, for a September 7ish FET. However, if I still have my 27 day cycles, we are a week off. Of course, I realized this after I told Mark to request the last weekend off from work. He works in the emergency room, so he needs to request his time off a couple months in advance. He's going to love me when he wakes up and I get to tell him…"oops, see if you can switch." And, as a result, he may have to work on my birthday. It figures.

Anyway, we would probably fly into Arizona on Thursday and stay with my parents for a couple of days, and then make the drive down to Nogales, Arizona very early on Saturday morning. Apparently, we can wait at the McD's on the US side, and a staff from the Nogales' doctor's office would pick us up and walk us across the border. Good times!

I’m telling you, the things I will put myself through in the hopes of getting pregnant. I'm sure I'll have some fun entries about our experience!

I Need a Hobby!

Alright, today's entry has nothing to do with IVF and making babies, at all. I need to come up with a good idea for a weekend getaway. Between the stress of starting a family, and Mark's work, I really think he needs a break. Since it's so last minute (next weekend), I am thinking of doing a drivable getaway…maybe Cape May, Lancaster County, DC area for the weekend. I think Mark would probably prefer to be at a beach, while I might be leaning more towards wine tastings. Are there even any wineries in Lancaster County? I have some research to do…if only I had internet at work : (

My second thought is that I need a hobby. Since we are on a forced break until our FET in September, I need something else to fixate on. I have gained about 10 lbs since we began our journey through the murky waters of infertility. So, one goal for the rest of the summer, is to get myself into some kind of shape…or at least better shape than what I am right now. I'm at the point where I walk around and think to myself, ok, she's thinner than I am, but I'm thinner than this other person is. It's not a fun game to play. However, I don't see working out as a hobby. I'm open to suggestions!

5 Frosties!! Woo Hoo@

I had my egg retrieval on July 4th. Before I went back for the procedure, I had to have another u/s. On this u/s, the tech counted 10 follicles. I was relieved. If we can get 10 eggs, and 9 are mature, and 8 fertilize, we will definitely have enough to do at least 2 FETs. I was in a much better mood.

They saw us right away. I think that the staff was anxious to get everything done so that they all could enjoy the holiday. I changed into the embarrassing blue gown, and they set me up with an IV. I thought for sure that I would be getting my visit from anesthesiology almost immediately. Um, I was wrong. I proceeded to sit there, freezing my ass off for 1 hour. Apparently, the ER before me was taking a long time. I could hear the dr. doing the procedure and calling out the number of eggs. This particular person got 26 eggs. Not something that I wanted to hear, know that best case scenario, they'd be getting 10 eggs.

Finally, they bring me into the other room, and the anesthesiologist gets me set up with my oxygen and consents. The dr., who I had NEVER met before, breezes in, barely introduces herself, and the next thing I know, I'm in recovery.

They tell me that they got 7 eggs. I'm sorry, what did you say?? 7 eggs. I must have asked the nurse to repeat that a few times. I was devastated. I couldn't even cry though, because my throat was so dry. Then, I overhear the dr, as I asked the nurse why only 7, and the dr. says that really only 5 of them were good. Nice! I was definitely not in a good mood.

So, we got the call yesterday from embryology. Out of the 7 retrieved, 6 were mature, and 5 fertilized and divided normally. Great! Considering what we were dealing with, 5 embies is not a bad outcome. I'm not sure if that will be enough to get us through two FETs, but if I'm lucky enough to get pg on the first, it doesn't really matter.

Mark and I did come to the decision that we are going to Nogales, Mexico for lymphocyte immunotherapy (LIT). This is a process where they take Mark's blood, separate the white blood cells, make some kind of serum with them, and then inject them under my skin. It's supposed to help with embryo implantation. If we go at the end of August, we should be good for 6 months. That will cover us if I get pregnant with my first FET, or if we have to do another fresh and frozen. So, I'm waiting to get information from the lab manager at Cooper, and then I will call Mexico and make our appointment.

I really hope this is the beginning of the story of how we got our baby. I feel like nothing in this entire process has come easily to Mark and I. I just hope that this is it.

Heading off to ER

Well, the day has finally come. Mark and I leave for our ER at 8:45. I'm feeling a bit better about my numbers. If we can get a good 10 eggs, and at least 7 strong embryos to freeze, I think I'm feeling good.

It is bizarre to do this on a holiday, but I guess you have to do what you have to do.
I plan on coming home, sleeping for a bit, watching some trashy tv, and then if I'm feeling good, leaving the house for some fireworks. I know that Mark is bummed about not being down the shore, but we have to remind ourselves that it's for the greater good.

The kind of cool thing is that after they get my eggs, I'm off restriction. I can have some caffeine, and alcohol. Seriously, it's the little things. So, I should be partaking in my favorite libation of Blue Moon by around 7pm.

I will check in again after ER to give an update on egg number. Wish me luck!

Triggered Last Night!

Well, as usual, this was another funky cycle. I went in on Wednesday for my b/w and u/s and found out that I still only had 7 measurable follicles. I was quite distraught...I had visions of getting at least 15. I mean, I was doing everything right; I even included acupuncture this time. Well, when the nurse called and said that they wanted me to come back on Thursday, I knew that I would be triggering.

Normally, I get excited when I trigger, but after only 7 days of stims, and only 7 folllies, I had one of many crying sessions.

But, there is some good news here. As of yesterday, I now have 10 follies, with the possibility of some to catch up. Our egg retrieval (ER) will be on July 4th. And, since we are freezing everything, I can even have a celebratory Blue Moon on Saturday night.

Oh, and Dr. Check let us know last night that we don't have to take 2 cycles off before our FET, just one. So, we will be heading to Arizona at the end of August for our LIT treatment, and then doing a transfer around September 7. I'll get more into LIT in another post.

Wish me luck for the 4th. If all goes well, we will get at least 10 eggs.

Happy 4th of July!

Track Marks on The Belly

I went in today for cycle day 2 blood work and an ultrasound. At this point in the cycle, they are checking out the lining of your uterus, how many antral follicles you have, and if you have any cysts present. In addition, the blood work will tell them if any of your levels are elevated.

Well, much to my surprise, I have 2 sizable cysts, one on the left ovary, and one on the right. However, just got the call from the nurse, and it appears that I’m OK to start my meds tonight. I only had 9 measurable follicles this morning, so I hope they increase. The goal for this IVF cycle is to get as many eggs as I possibly can without the threat of OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome).

I will be on a total of 300 units of stimulation drugs a day, and I’ll be doing acupuncture 2xs a week for the next 2 weeks (already started that this week). I just hope we can get some nice quality eggs.

I am also getting a little concerned. I’ll be 35 in August and when we started out with IVF over a year ago, my FSH level was 3. Today’s bloodworm reflected a FSH of 7. Now, that could just be a fluke, or a sign that I definitely getting older.

Killing time until IVF 5 Part A Begins!

I guess I haven’t been as good about posting on my blog as I thought I would. Oh well, better late than never.

So, I’m about to embark on ivf cycle 5 part A. Incase I haven’t explained what Mark and I are doing this time around. We will do a full stimulation ivf cycle. We will have our egg retrieval. Depending on the number of eggs that the doctor is able to get, we will use ICSI on almost of all them, save maybe 3-5 for conventional fertilization. Backup, and I’ll tell you why we are trying this. Back during our 2nd IVF cycle, we retrieved 18 eggs. The doctor thought that we should do ICSI on 9 and conventional fertilization on the other half. Well, NOTHING fertilized conventionally, so we have been doing ICSI on everything ever since. Our new doctor isn’t sure if we truly have an issue with sperm, or if IVF #2 was a fluke…so, assuming we retrieve enough eggs, we will try it again. If nothing fertilizes that way, we will definitely know that I can’t get pregnant the old fashioned way, and that IVF is our only hope.

So Part B of our 5th IVF cycle won’t be until September. After our egg retrieval, the embryologist will freeze any viable embryos on day 2 after our retrieval. Mark and I will then wait through 2 full natural cycles to make sure that all the drugs are out of my system. We are also debating about going down to Nogales, Mexico in September for a special procedure called lymphocyte immunotherapy. It helps with immunological issues, and my doctor has done studies where pregnancy rates increase after LIT in women who have had 3+ failed ivf cycles…and we clearly fit that criteria : ( If we do travel down to Mexico, I’ll definitely put the details in my blog.

I’ve been seeing an acupuncturist for the last couple of weeks. I think he’s great…and he’s only a 30 minute walk from work. Hmm, notice the sarcasm there? He’s much better than the guy I used in Haddonfield. He had the nerve to tell me that his daughter (who was 12) would never have to worry about infertility, as he was sure she’d have kids no problem. Would you really tell someone who is experiencing infertility a comment like that?? People are stupid.

One nice thing that I’ve realized over the course of my journey is that there are tons of MEs out there. Not just on the message boards that I frequent, but some of my close friends are going through the same things. It’s nice to be able to “suffer” with someone else, and when one of them has good news, it gives me hope.

So, I guess this entry is just me babbling, and once I start my extensive drugs in a few days, my blog will be more IVF intensive.

On a forced break

This is my first entry, but certainly not my first foray into in-vitro fertilization. We had started with our 5th ivf, and after 2.5 days of stimming, we were canceled. Now, it could just be a freak thing, but I'm convinced it was a mess up from our RE's office. I'm trying not to get upset about it. I've decided to do acupuncture this cycle with a new person in Old City, Philadelphia. I'm excited for my first appointment on Wednesday. It's good to be adding something new to the mix, and I hope to be able to add an entry in July, announcing my BFP.

One of these days, I'll post an entry with a quick rundown of my experiences thus far, but today is not that day!