Until we meet with Dr. Check for our WTF appointment. When I first found out that ivf #5 didn't work, I wished that we could meet with the doctor right away. Well, I went to the office yesterday to pick up my copy of my medical records, and started feeling anxious and kind of sick. I went home and looked over my file. I wound up with a headache and an impending sense of doom.
I was getting used to not thinking about cycling, or failure…just living my life, and bam…it's all coming back to me…all my fears and insecurities…and what ifs. What if he recommends donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy? In addition, since we me with him the first time last winter (when my fsh level was 4 or 5), my fsh has shot up to 7 or 8…not to mention that my estradiol levels at the start of each cycle hover around 70-80. that seems kind of high. See, I'm getting nervous that I'm going to be told that my eggs are old and crappy, and that I'll be lucky to get 2 eggs at my next retrieval. I'm also a little freaked out about my CCRM appointment in 9 days. I really hate IF. I'll keep going until someone tells me to stop, but the truth is that it's getting so hard to get into cycling with a positive attitude.
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